Mum Discharge le

today was wake up by my dad... argh.. i sweet dream juz fly lyk tt.. haiz.. i dream of her again... for past few days... i dream of her... she stead with mi... and we went to ubin and cycle together... haiz... dad told mi tt my mum can discharge le... he ask mi go to hospital to fetch her... den go wash up and out i go... reach le... den my mum having her lunch... den i go watch tv lor... after tt... go back to the room... she go get change le.. den wait for the nurse to come... den we go home le... reach home... and i go to bed again... den zong pu msg mi... ask mi go out sparring... lol.. was very tired... so i tell him tt i will meet him up at 4... den i sleep till 3.45.. haha... we spar till 5 den he go off le... den i slack at mac... den go for lion dance class... after class which is 10.15... ended quite late as they haf a lot of things to do.. i guess i shall stop here... haha... take care wor...

Operation Day

today get out of bed at 5.30am... cant sleep the whole night... haiz... was very worry... even i turn on the music to the max also cant sleep.. haiz... go bath and out i go... before stepping ot of house... dad scold mi.. WTH... i go visit my mum early also cannot meh... haiz... den go to my room... tears rolling down my cheek... haiz... after stop crying.. i get out of home.. while on my way to bus stop.. i tear again... on the bus... i also tear again... haiz... i juz very worry and keep thinking wad if my mum operation fails... and the chance of my mum leaving mi is very high... reach hospital... rush to her ward and take a good look at her and chat lyk nvr before... haiz... after tt... she was push to the operation room le... haiz... den i go had my breakfast... den slack slack slack for 5 hours... haiz... den mum out le... was happy and very upset... happy tt she was fine... very upset is because i heartache... i look at her... she was suffering the pain... i rather tt i had the pain den she got... haiz... i cant take it and i walk out of the room and cry... den after tt.. my dad say he leaving le.. den i walk back to her room... den tell her tt i going to youth hub for a meeting... after meeting... i say bye bye to everyone... den saw Annie doesn't look happy.. i wonder is it my fault again... haiz... saw her sad make mi sad too... haiz... den rush home and bath before going back to hospital again... den post before going out lor.. haha.... gtg le.. going to hospital now.. haha...

Mum Was Hospitalise

haiz... wad i do today... mainly nth lor.. haiz... mum was hospitalise today... she having an operation... haiz... was very worry for her.. haiz... now i will mainly focus on my mum, her and my black belt grading which will held next year... haiz.. today wushu training was damn tough... haiz... leg almost can't stand up straight lor... walk also haf problem... haiz... i guess i nid to go sleep le... haiz.. this few days also cant sleep well.. haiz... nid to turn on music to the max in my room den can sleep... haiz... tml haf to wake up damn early and rush to hospital as my mum operation will be held in the morning 9.30... den at 8... doctor will do a screening on her.. haiz... feeling so lonely right now... no one can support mi when im down and when i nid help... haiz...

Busybody or Stupid

haiz... i dun noe am i busybody or being stupid... i stay up the whole night looking through and see wad can i help her... and i text her this morning and she seem to lyk hack care... haiz... forget abt it la... i juz being KPO and stupid ba... haiz... went to youth hub today... seem to be boring... haiz... Annie look quite sad and bored... and i guess she also ignoring mi le ba... senses tell mi so cause she deleted my comment in her friendster lyk wad joyce did... haiz.. i haf the sense tt people are avoiding mi... some how i feel weird and curious.. why people are avoiding mi.. haiz... play pool from 5.30 to 6.30... play with Jane and Jia Hao only... haiz... although i won a lot of games.. but i dun noe why i dun feel happy but i feel sad... weird??? haiz...

Red Belt Grading

today i my red belt grading test... haha... reach kim seng cc at 12.40... get change and move to the hall... was shock to see 8 belt black there... wad curious cause there is no sparring for this grading and why there is so many black belt there... haha... grading start le... was the first person to be tested by wu shi xiong... he is very strict about the power you use... i only haf two pattern to do... so he keep asking mi to do over and over again... i use a lot of strength till arm was aching... and i finally pass with only first attempt... haha... was happy cause gt one pattern although haf only 4 stroke... but he very particular abt the strength... i did tt twice... haiz... nvm la... as long as i pass... haha... next grading will be around march next year... from white belt to brown belt... and 2 mins sparring... wow... cool... haha... the grading fee also very cool... it cost $105... certificate cost $40 and i haven pay... after tt... go to bugis alone as wei ze last min cant go... haha... nvm de la.. used to it le...

What Should I Do Now To Help

haiz... i dun noe wad should i do now to help them... i dun wan them to be sad over relationship... i noe i haf no right to give them advise cause i was also a relationship failure... now he found a job le... hope this will make her think tt she is nt lonely le ba... i juz wan every couple to be happy... hopefully both of them to be happy... hope tt they will go out often when they are nt working... haiz... i some sort a bit jealous ba... saw many couple together so happy... haiz... wonder why i cant... haiz... fate ba... eddy always say it take time to heal... i wonder how long wil it take... 1 day??? 1 month??? 1 year??? or forever??? haiz... all i can do now is lock myself up... lock all my troubles inside mi which i haf been doing over this few years... troubles getting more and more... and none of the is solve... haiz... locks getting more and more to hide all my feelings and expressions... heartache getting more painful and painful... but wad can i do... i can do nth... i wan to cry out loud... but tears refuse to come out... haiz... going out alone doesn't make mi feel gd... but who will willing to go out with a boring guy... haiz...

I Am A Stupid Fool

haiz... yesterday thought tt she work till very late... den i went there to wait for her... and i juz felt tt i am a stupid fool... being fool.. haiz.. i noe la... i easily to kena fool... those who hate mi will be very happy den.. haiz... i dun even care my exam today and went there to wait for her... haiz... was trap in shopping mall as all doors was close.. haiz... i noe im stupid... haiz... she msg mi today and i dun even thought of replying her msg lor... was so mad and upset abt wad had happen yesterday...

Sad??? Disappointed???

juz woke up from sleep... from 11pm to 3pm sia... sleep so long after 6 days nvr sleep... haiz... im thinking of her every now and den.. cant stop thinking of her... i juz simply miss her so much that will ache mi lots... haiz...